Comedian Adam Sandler

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or talking.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.