Best short quotes

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".

I just want to be killer funny. You know kick ass piss in your pants run out of the theatre and rip you dick off and throw yourself into traffic funny!

[Tequila] is not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.

There's nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her -- because the kid can tell.

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"