Best short quotes

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.'

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

My girlfriend is so ugly, two guys broke into her apartment. She yelled "Rape!" They yelled "NO!"

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

You missed a crazy party dude. I woke up with glitter on my dick!

I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.