Best short quotes

I wanna open up a maternity shop and call it "We're fucked".

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good -- stop.'

The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Here's a picture of me with REM. That's me in the corner.

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth.

When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.

I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...